BarbWired

1^st things 1^st – someone very close to my heart has a difficult day ahead of her today, and I just want her to know I love her and will be here for her today and the next day and everyday after that. 

Now, on to uh, other stuff.  I forgot to mention the other day that I quit my dream job at the liquor store.  I worked both jobs for 2 weeks, and knew I couldn’t keep it up.  This old body just aint what it used to be is worthless and pathetic, and doesn’t like 60 hour work weeks.  Initially, I was really sorry I had to quit the liq, cuz it was such a fun job, but surprisingly, I don’t miss it as much as I thought I would. (except for part where I got to see Ang - I'll def. miss that!) 

In other news,since I’ve always had short, ugly, brittle finger nails, I decided to give acrylic nail tips a try.   I’ve never had much luck with getting polish to stay on my own nails for more than a day at best, so I’m really hoping to see an improvement in that area as well.  Which is good, because I hate painting my nails.  I’m too sloppy – I think I get more paint on my fingers than the nails.  So, I’ve found them easier to adjust to that I expected – I told my niece the hardest thing so far is not poking my nail thru the toilet paper when I wipe.  TMI???  Sorry.

Ooh! Ooh!  I thought I saw Terry Bradshaw the other day!  Right here in Topeka!  Turns out it was just his look-a-like, who happens to be the husband of one of my co-workers.  It was freaky dude.  I took a picture, but it just didn’t do him justice. 

Let’s see – what else?  Oh!  Erin and her friends are hosting a baby shower this weekend for one of her best friends, Courtney.  She’s about to pop, so it’s a good thing too.  Can you believe, she doesn’t even know the sex of the baby?  Really!  Imagine when you give birth and you ask “what is it? what is it?”   and the Dr. actually says “IT’S A _______ (insert sex here)!!!!!  AND YOU’RE SURPRISED!  What a concept!!!  Considering in this day and age, our urgent need to know everything instantly, that’s quite remarkable if you ask me!  Only now I don’t know whether to buy a pink dress or blue knickers.  Maybe I’ll just go with camo, since the kid’s bound to be a redneck regardless of sex! 

I think I mentioned that Sia hid her kittens again.  Well I’m not as dumb as I look, folks.  Either that or she didn’t hide them very well.  At any rate, I’ve been feeding them dry kitten food every night so they don’t go all wild on me.  Just to be safe, I think Erin and Brent better take their 2 home this weekend J 

I guess that’s all for now – boss lady is supposed to be headed my way to teach me another part of my job!  Yay! 

So about that job…

wait for it….

wait for it……

I GOT THE JOB!!!

Yay me!  And the best part?  They agreed to give me the extra $2.00 / hr for my experience.  Double yay me!  So I’m going in tomorrow to do employment paperwork and take a drug test.  (note to self – avoid cocaine and heroin tonight)  (oh – and poppy seed muffins) 

Now all I have to do is figure out how to get by on only 8 hrs of sleep a night.  I got up this morning at 6:00 to take Erin to work and my butt’s been dragging all afternoon.  But no nappy for me, I gotta push thru. 

I’m sad to hear that Rosie’s leaving The View, but good god!  Is it really the top news story of the day?  It’s all I’ve heard on every show, entertainment, news, radio, you name it.  And the best part?  DT is trying to take credit for it.  Uh, can anyone tell me who his newest pathetic minion apprentice is?  Show of hands?  Yeah – that’s what I thought.  No one watched the show!  hahahahahahaha.

In animal news, Sia had kittens this week.  She’s such a good momma – she hides those babies where no one/no thing could ever find them.  Bad for me…. but good for the kittens, since Maggie would probably want to play with them the same way she plays with her toys.  Her Tickle-Me-Ernie lost all his stuffin the other day, so now he looks more like Burt.  The best part is he still giggles the whole time she’s rippin him to shreds.  Ernie never was the sharpest puppet behind the couch.

When I joined the blogging world, the last thing I expected was to find a friend in another blogger.  Turns out one of the first blogs I read belongs to Ang, who just lives  a couple of towns away (which in rural KS in nuthin)  Last night, she and her adorable boys, Sam and Will, stopped by the Liq for our very first face-to-face visit.  Erin asked me later if it felt awkward, and I have to say – it could not have been easier.  We hugged, then Will gave me a hug (guess he figures if it’s ok for his mom to hug me, he can too!)  We chatted like we’ve known each other forever.  Her boys are soooo cute – I’m really glad she brought them, cuz after reading so much about em, it was fun to meet them too.  I’ve got to say, Ang is so sweet and as all of her readers already know – such a good mom.  As of now, she’s the frontrunner for my BBF (Best Blog Friend)  Of course we got a picture to commemorate the event!  

Note to Ang – if you want to stay my BBF, next time we take a picture together – for god’s sake tell me my eyeliner is all over the place!  I look like a Goth Queen who got dressed in the dark (hence the pink shirt). 

That cute little booger in front of me is my Hug-a-Bud Willie.  Sam took the picture, and I think he did an excellent job!  Anyway – I can’t wait to meet up again!

I’m talking to Sheltered Living again about an accounting position.  I have an interview on Monday afternoon with the head of the accounting department.  I’m pretty sure I’ll accept this time if  they offer me a job.  Even if it is just $10.00 an hour.  I’m to the point where not only do I need to get out of the house, but I need paid health insurance.  When I quit my job a year ago, I never ever dreamed I’d still be unemployed at this time.  (yeah – I work, but it pays so little, it doesn’t really count)    There’s another added bonus to working full time – it’ll give me all kinds of fun stuff to write about! 

By the way – thanks to my readers who commented or emailed me about my blogging troubles.  My frame of mind seems to be the determining factor in how often I write, and at the moment……wait, yes still at this moment, I’m feeling pretty good, so all systems are go. 

Seems my life is a struggle these days.  I struggle to get out of bed in the morning…. struggle to do anything that makes me feel worthy… struggle to make myself go to bed at night, struggle to communicate with my loved ones, struggle to write.  Hence this is my first journal entry in how long?  The only purpose I feel in my life right now is my part time job, which forces me to shower and get dressed three times a week. 

There are occasional lights, for which I am immensely grateful.  But they are too few and far between.  When I started writing this journal, I thought it would be therapeutic.  Get all my feelings out, help me work through my problems, etc.  But instead, I just found myself trying to entertain.  Don’t get me wrong… I love to make people laugh.  In fact, it’s one of my favorite things to do, and it usually comes easily to me.  Except maybe when I put too much pressure on myself.  I don’t want to stop writing, but lately the thought of posting something new is so overwhelming, it actually keeps me from reading other journals.  And I hate that.  I love reading other journals, and have come to think of several bloggers as friends.  Well, you know – virtual friends.  But when I read their journals and don’t comment, I feel guilty.  And that on top of the guilt I feel for not posting is too much to bear.  A friend suggested I stop journaling for now, but I’m not going to stop.  I think I just need to set my sights a little lower.  When I first began, I intended to post every day, but quickly found that easier said than done.  So for now, I think I’ll try for once a week, and if the spirit moves me, I’ll throw in a bonus one now and then.  By taking the pressure off, maybe I’ll be able to recharge my inner comedian, or at the very least, I won’t be afraid to sit in front of my computer and do something besides playing SNOOD.  (SNOOD IS THE DEVIL)

Looks like I’m headed back into the work force, at least part time.   One of the liquor stores we help support ran an ad in the local paper, so I stopped in yesterday and dropped off my resume’.  The owner called and asked me to come in for a few hours last night to train.  So there ya go – looks like I’m gainfully employed for 3 nights a week.  I don’t mind working evenings – it’s 4:00 to 10:00 – although I probably wouldn’t want to work every night.  I think it might be kinda fun.  I’ll do some more training next week and start on my own the week after. 

In other news, I’m still not 100% healthy, but I’m feeling much better.  The coughing jags are coming less frequently, although they are still violent and still producing ….. uhh, stuff. 

We had a little bit of excitement in our little corner of the world this week.  There was a bad fire (hmm – is there any other kind of fire??) in my hometown.  One of the buildings down town was completely gutted, and the buildings on either side sustained serious smoke damage.  In a small town, something like this brings out everyone.  Greg and I went in to the kids house and we all walked downtown to check it out.  Luckily the only injury was minor smoke inhalation to one of the fire fighters.  The building that burned recently housed a ceramics business, which had closed.  But the woman who owned the business also lived in the back of the store, so she lost her home.  I look at the damage and see the loss of the old drug store I spent so much time in as a kid.  I loved that store.  They had all kinds of neat stuff to tempt kids.  There was a jewelry case in the front, one of those that had an electric motor that made the shelves revolve down and around so you could stand there and watch all the pretty necklaces and rings move around and around.  As a kid – that was just the coolest thing!  They also had a soda fountain of course.  My favorite was chocolate cokes.  Sounds kinda gross now!  The pharmacist was a old man everyone called Doc.  I’m sure he really was a pharmacist, but for some reason, I always thought he was a vet too.  Doubtful – I’m not even sure why I thought that.  I’ll have to ask my mom about it!  He was a teddy bear and he loved kids.  I don’t think he and his wife had children.  She ran the rest of the store, and she was not a big fan of kids.  You could just see her cringe when a pack of kids would walk through the front door.  She kind of hovered as we walked around the store.  She was very prim and proper and never joked around with us.  She probably thought we were a bunch of hoodlums who were going to steal everything not nailed down!  I’m sure there were a few kids in town that were like that, but not MY friends of course!! 

Earlier this week, I mowed the grass for the first time this spring.  We have a fairly large yard, and when you push mow the whole freaking thing, it takes a couple of hours easily.  My mower is 2 years old, and apparently, it wanted to mow even less than I did.  I can’t count the number of times it quit for no reason (although three times were because it was out of gas) and Greg would have to stop his welding and come tinker with the dang thing till it would run again.  The last time it quit, Greg did too.  fixing it that is.  He said the carburetor needs adjusting, and on these cheap mowers you can’t do that.  So basically, it’s trash, and I’m getting a new mower.  Considering how cheap it was, I guess 2 years is about all you can expect out of it anyway.  I think we’re going to try and get a little better one this time around.  The bad thing is I wasn’t quite finished with the section I was mowing, so there’s a 3 foot strip right down the middle of it.  Plus the outer edges of the yard still haven’t been cut.  I love the first mowing of the year – the grass is so pretty, and smells so good.  Course now we have a yard full of dandelions, but that’s ok – they kinda pretty!  not to mention they’re the only flowers we have.

When it comes to getting things done, I’ve always had problems, but I think I may have stumbled upon one of the biggest road blocks.  I’m a perfectionist.  Go ahead, laugh.  I’ll wait while you get it out of your system.  Unfortunately, I’m the type of perfectionist who would rather not do it at all if I can’t do it perfectly.  And more often than not, that’s just what happens – it doesn't get done. 

Case in point:  you may recall I recently reorganized the cupboard that holds my spices.  All those cute little spice jars are now in a handy dandy tray.  Now, when I want a specific spice all I have to do is pull the container down, and they’re all there to choose from.  However, since I can’t read the name on the jar, I have pick up each and every one until I find the one I want.  Solution?  Put labels on the lids.  Seems simple enough, yes?  No.  I bought those cute little colorful round sticky spots which will fit very nicely on top.  So now all I need to do is write the name of each spice on a sticker, stick it to the lid, and voile’!  finito!  Oh no, my frisky little monkeys!  For some godforsaken reason, I feel the need to have the name PRINTED on each label, all professional looking and such.  Pffft.  It can’t be that hard to print those labels, can it?  Well let’s just say that I’ve spent an entire morning working on a layout in word, and I’m not done yet.  Any idea how many other things I needed to do this morning that didn’t get done?  Including the spice jar labeling?  I need to pick up the house, vacuum, run to the store, prep for supper, take a shower….. you get the idea.  This is a constant problem in my life.  Good fuckin god!  Why oh why can’t I just half ass it and move on? 

I had planned to run to Topeka this afternoon, but that may get postponed till tomorrow or Friday.  I bought my favorite computer game, Bejeweled, at Target yesterday.  When I got home, I opened the box, took out the CD case, and opened it to find nothing but air.  Now I know it could be worse - poor Nance bought an empty I Pod box recently.  I doubt I’ll have any trouble getting the disc – it’s not like I’d steal one and then go ask for another one – don’t really need two of the same disc ya know.  It’s just the idea that I could have stayed up all night playing Bejeweled, and didn’t get to! 

What I do HAVE to do is all those other things I mentioned above.  Kenda’s birthday was Monday, and she was off having fun with Elvis’ ghost, so I’m having her and Pat and the kids over for supper tonight.  I told her I’d fix anything she wanted – she chose Chef Boyardee Pizzas.  I’m like “seriously!  I’ll fix your favorite thing!”  and she said “I love your homemade pizza – that’s what I want!”  And who am I to deprive my best friend?  So pizza it is, but there’s a couple of things I want to get for toppings, so I need to run to town.   

In closing today, I’d like to leave you with a mental picture.  Imagine the local Let’s Help donation truck backed up to Devlin’s Liquor Super Store.  Now that’s the kinda help I’M talkin bout…….  where do I sign up?

It's T minus 16 hours till we blast off for NM.  My Mom told me to be sure we were careful driving.  Apparently the last time they went, Mom sat in the backseat and could see the speedometer.  She said "they drove 80 MPH the whole way, and once, Libby even had it up to 100!"  Yeah - my mom has always been asceered of MY driving, but I didn't think anyone else bothered her that much.  I know when she and my sister and I have gone to Missouri, when I'm driving fast she holds on to things and winces and hits the floor with her foot like she's putting her own brakes on.  But when Jan drives fast she says nothing.  I told her not to worry, we wouldn't drive fast.  Yep - I'm goin to hell for lying to my mom.  Oh well, just add it to the list of other lies I've told.  Like when the little girl scout I'd never seen before approached me in the grocery store and tried to sell me cookies.  Don't ask me why, but I can't just say no thank you.  I told her I had already bought them from my niece.  Two lies.  1 - didn't buy any and 2 - my niece isn't a girl scout any more.  What I should have said is "who the hell are you and why would I buy from someone I'll probably never see again?  And just how do you plan to get my cookies to me when you don't even know me, much less know where I live?"  or something like that.  Of course cussing out a girl scout is probably on the list of ways to get to hell too.  See?  I can't win.

I'm so excited!  March Madness is here!!!!!  And in case you didn't notice -- KU ??  #1 seed, thankyouverymuch!  Of course if they go and lose to Niagara, they'll never be able to show their faces again.  But that's not gonna happen.  I watched a few games today.  Poor Duke.  NOT.  I don't know why, but I've never been a big fan of Coach K.  So I can't say I'm sorry they're gone.  I am sad Texas Tech got beat - not necessarily because of Bobby Knight, but because I always like to see Big 12 teams do well.  I'm taking every KU Basketball shirt I own to wear in New Mexico - just  so none will question where my loyalties lie.  

Whelp - I'm off to bed - got lots to do tomorrow before we head out.  I don't know if I'll have a chance to update while I'm gone, but I'll probably try.