BarbWired

Hi.  My name is Barb.  I can fix everyone’s phone.  Except my own.  Shit. 

I’ve been using my old POS phone since the infamous drowning incident of 2007.  Now I remember why I got a new phone last August.  Here’s an example of my side of a recent phone conversation. 

(Barb’s phone ringing; caller ID says it is Miss Erin)

Hello?  Helloooo?  (2,3,4,)  HELLOOOOOOO???????? 

What?  I can barely hear you.

Wait a minute (Barb initiates speaker phone mode)

Ok – say something now.

There you are.  Damn phone

…… and so it goes.  Every time I talk to anyone on that stupid thing.  Not that I’m complaining (or AM I?)  Cuz, you know, if it wasn’t for that dumb ass thing, I’d be in rehab right now.  Would you like to see my 5 days cell-free token?  Tuesday, I’m going to Topeka and looking for a new phone.  I do have insurance, with a $50 deductible, and of course, they will only replace it with the exact same model.  Thing is, I’m not really sure I want another RAZR.  So if I can buy something without spending substantial dollars, I will.  If not, I’ll file the insurance and just be thankful that I’ve got anything at all.  I’m not a total ingrate you know. 

Moving on……

Fun times this weekend.  Saturday we went with the kids to look at a house they were considering buying bought!  That’s right – they’re moving in 5 weeks.  And they’ll be 2 blocks from Pat and Kenda, and 8 blocks from my Mom.  The house is really cute – the perfect starter house for a young couple.  I’m so excited for them!  Saturday night we all went to Dan’s house for veggie soup.  What’s that?  You think it’s a bit odd just to go to someone’s house for veggie soup?  Well what can I tell you – that’s just the way we roll.  Actually, Dan’s wife Debbi is gone on a cruise, so we decided to get together and have fun with out her take the opportunity to eat something with vegetables in it.  Debbi likes exactly one vegetable.  Corn.  That’s it.  Seriously.  So when she goes out of town, instead of throwing wild parties with naked women and liquor, like most husbands would, Dan has vegetable soup night. Ok – there was liquor.  but no dancing women.  (too bad – I got some new moves I could have unveiled) (get it?? unveiled?  as in stripped?  OMG, I totally crack myself up!)

Sunday started out as just another lazy day.  Till I started thinking about how much money I’m spending on V8 Juice.  Since I began this eating healthy business, I’ve been drinking lots and lots of it.  (I too am not a huge fan of the veggies, although I do eat many more things than corn)  So anyway……..  in our deep freeze, I have tomatoes, green peppers, and jalapeno peppers from our garden.  And in my fridge, I just happened to have onions, carrots and celery.  Let’s see – that adds up to six, doesn’t it?  Homemade V6 Juice.  At least that’s what I’ve made in the past.  But today, I was feeling a little adventurous.  I dug around in my fridge and found cabbage, pickled beets, and pickled hot pepper rings.  I threw in some W-shire sauce (yeah – I don’t know how to spell the whole freakin word) and some fresh lemon juice.  We're talking about some good shit here.  I wasn’t making a huge batch to can – just enough to keep me in vitamin heaven for a week or two.  In the end, I wound up with 6 quarts, so I’d say I’m good for more like a month.  Depending on how many tomato beers Greg drinks.  Or how many Bloody Marys I drink.  Shut up – it’s a known fact that the vegetables cancel out the alcohol. 

Tonight, I caught the last couple of hours of the Oscars, didn’t see anything too surprising.  I taped it, mainly because I want to see how Ellen did.  (I did catch her vacuuming Penelope Cruz’s dress)

I need to get to bed soon, since I’ll probably be drug out of bed at the butt crack of dawn.  We’re going to the Western Farm Show in Kansas City.  Oh stop – I can’t help it if I get to do all the fun stuff.  Anyway – I spose someone will want to get an early start.  Too bad I’m into this healthy eating shit – otherwise I’d search out that Christopher Elbow’s Chocolate Shop, and eat my way through it.  Maybe I’ll search out my Chiefs Boyfriend Jared Allen instead, and slap some sense into him!